The psicorp inquisition
by crazy-ranger
Summary: More Python take offs- one season 4 spoiler


Copyright to the pythons and jms. Both are almighty. Have mercy.   
  
Inspired by Hilary Westons "Dead ranger sketch." Many thanks to her.  
  
(Marcus enters Ivanova's office)  
  
Marcus: (Lancashire accent) Trouble at Z'Ha-dum.  
  
Ivanova: Oh no - what kind of trouble?  
  
Marcus: One on't white stars gone owt askew with shadows.  
  
Ivanova: Pardon?  
  
Marcus: One on't white stars gone owt askew with shadows.  
  
Ivanova: I don't understand what you're saying.  
  
Marcus: (slightly irritatedly and with his normal accent)  
  
One of the white stars has gone out askew with the shadows.  
  
Ivanova: Well what in the hell does that mean?  
  
Marcus: *I* don't know - Delenn just told me to come in here and say  
  
that there was trouble at Z'Ha-dum, that's all - I didn't expect a  
  
kind of Psi Corps Inquisition.  
  
  
  
(JARRING CHORD)  
  
(The door flies open and Bester of the Psi Corps enters, flanked by  
  
two junior psi-cops. Talia has goggles pushed over her  
  
forehead. Lita is just Lita)  
  
  
  
Bester: NOBODY expects the Psi Corps Inquisition! Our chief weapon is  
  
telepathy...telepathy and fear...fear and telepathy.... Our two  
  
weapons are fear and telepathy...and ruthless interrigation .... Our  
  
*three* weapons are fear, telepathy, and ruthless interrigation...and an  
  
almost fanatical devotion to the Corps.... Our *four*...no...  
  
*Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as  
  
fear, telepathy.... I'll come in again. (Exit and exeunt)  
  
  
  
Marcus: I didn't expect a kind of Psi Corps Inquisition.  
  
  
  
(JARRING CHORD)  
  
(The psi-cops burst in)  
  
Bester: NOBODY expects the Psi Corps Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such  
  
diverse elements as: fear, telepathy , ruthless interrigation, an almost  
  
fanatical devotion to the Corps, and nice black uniforms - Oh damn! (To  
  
Talia) I can't say it - you'll have to say it.  
  
Talia: What?  
  
Bester: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'  
  
Talia: (rather horrified): I couldn't do that...  
  
(Bester bundles the psi-cops outside again)  
  
  
  
Marcus: I didn't expect a kind of Psi Corps Inquisition.  
  
  
  
(JARRING CHORD)  
  
(The psi-cops enter)  
  
Talia: Er.... Nobody...um....  
  
Bester: Expects...  
  
Talia: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Psi...um...  
  
Bester: Psi Corps Inquisition.  
  
Talia: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Psi Corps Inquisition. In fact,  
  
those who do expect -  
  
Bester: Our chief weapons are...  
  
Talia: Our chief weapons are...um...er...  
  
Bester: telepathy...  
  
Talia: telepathy and --  
  
Bester: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah!  
  
...our chief weapons are telepathy...blah blah blah. Lita,  
  
read the charges.  
  
Lita: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit mild swearing  
  
against the Holy board of censors. 'My old man said the corps is mother--'  
  
Talia: That's enough. (To Ivanova) Now, how do you plead?  
  
Ivanova: We're innocent Dammit.  
  
Bester: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!  
  
  
  
(Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER')  
  
  
  
Talia: We'll soon change your mind (oh what a pun!) about that!  
  
  
  
(Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL HAIR DYING')  
  
  
  
Bester: Fear, telepathy, and ruthless-- (controls himself with a  
  
supreme effort) Ooooh! Now, Talia -- the device!  
  
  
  
(Talia produces the device... which looks remarkably like the one Steven used to heal Garibaldi  
  
(and yes the one that killed Marcus). Bester looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not   
  
to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger)  
  
  
  
Bester: (To Talia) Is that all they had left in the props section? With a show that makes this   
  
much money?  
  
You....Right! Tie her down.  
  
  
  
(Lita and Talia make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the device)  
  
  
  
Bester: Right! How do you plead?  
  
Ivanova: Innocent.  
  
Bester: Ha! Right! Talia, switch the device (oh dear) switch the device on .  
  
  
  
(Talia stands their awkwardly and shrugs her shoulders)  
  
  
  
Talia: I....  
  
Bester: (gritting his teeth) Use the button you bimbo!  
  
Talia: I...  
  
Bester: Just my luck to be sent a blond Teep.  
  
Talia: Shall I...?  
  
Bester: Just do it for God's sake! Ha! Ha! Ha!  
  
  
  
(Talia presses a button on the side of the device- it does nothing)  
  
Ivonava: (To Marcus) Are you just gonna stand there?  
  
Marcus: Mmmm, oh sorry. I just had the strangest day dream that i was nailed upright... then you  
  
kept banging me on a table. (Gets out fighting pike... whups Psi-cops butts)  
  
  
  
Wrote this ages ago but never got around to posting it. The inspiration for  
  
the spoo sketch occured about 1/2 an hour ago and i remembered this. Thanks for your time. 


End file.
